i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
