Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
