Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
