i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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