Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
