Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
