i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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