Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
