Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Someone shattered a urinal.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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