so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize