i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
