First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Say something about gay babies.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
