We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
