just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Success! We fucked roommates!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
