Midget sex pt 2 tonight
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
