My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
