dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
