Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
