Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
