I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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