I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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