im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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