the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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