I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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