This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
