You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
