I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
We need to rekindle our bromance
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
