dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
