It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
