i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
