I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We had sex on a dog bed..
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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