dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
