My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
