I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
