Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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