So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
