Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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