I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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