New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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