Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
If I die, sorry about rent.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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