so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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