Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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