we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
