I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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