omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
