Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
