Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
