Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
