what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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