So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
