i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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