Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Randomize
