dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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