whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize