Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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