sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
