so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
