did you get engaged???
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize