Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize