All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
