Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize