I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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