What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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