you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
