Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
