you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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