i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
