Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
