I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
