hotel room ftw
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
