my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
In America we eat man semen.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
How does one acquire holy water?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
