$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
