Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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