He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
