I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
