Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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