Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
