I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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