sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
