Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
