Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
