it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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