he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Randomize