Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
